And now the continuing story of my attempt to write an Arrested Development movie.
INT. BARRY’S OFFICE – DAY
The rest of the family is sitting in Barry’s office. Barry’s assistant, GARY, enters.
Meanwhile, at Barry’s office…
Barry’s Assistant approaches Barry’s Desk.
Oh, hey buttermuffin.
They kiss, everyone else looks uncomfortable. Gary exits.
Isn’t he great?
Everyone continues to look confused.
Oh yes, he’s my husband.
Yes he was, after being fired by Michael, Barry finally came out the closet and reunited with his assistant: Gary. Soon after they got married
INSERT- PHOTO OF BARRY AND GARY’S WEDDING, THE GAY MAN WITH THE FREEDOM SIGN IS GARY’S BEST MAN AND ONE OF THE HOT COPS IS THE PRIEST
BACK TO SCENE
Isn’t anyone going to congratulate me?
Oh yes, congrats.
Gary what are you doing back in here so soon?
Oh, I’m not Gary.
Gary tears of a latex face mask to reveal he is JEAN PARMESAN, the family’s former P.I.
Jean Parmesan, how you doing? Don’t worry Gary’s safe in the broom closet.
So did I just kiss you?
You most certainly did.
Jean winks at Barry
Jean, what are you doing here?
(taking a picture out of his coat)
Before Lucille died she contacted me from prison and asked me to look into possible grandkids she might have.
Apparently, your mother wanted to meet her unknown grandkids before she died.
That doesn’t sound like her.
Yeah, I know. Anyways, I found something that you might be interested in.
He hands Gob the picture he has been holding in his hand. It is revealed to be a picture of Mary.
This looks like a chick I did in high school… Oh.
That’s right, this is your daughter, Mary
Gob looks shocked.
Well, Lucille was going to pay me $500 for this information before she died so if you could just…
(handing Jean a wad of bills)
Here you go Jean.
Thanks, I’m not even going to count it.
Where were we?
I counted, there’s only $400 here. Now where’s…
Lindsay uses her foot to slam the door in Jean’s face
INT. – OUTSIDE BARRY’S OFFICE-
Jean is leaving through the hallway when he runs into ICE.
A disgruntled Jean was leaving Barry’s office when he ran into ICE.
Hey, aren’t you the bounty hunter Ice?
Indeed it was ICE. Currently, he was working for the government, trying to find evidence against suspected bank robber Susie Carlon. He had catered Lucille’s funeral partly to try and gather evidence against her.
Where’s Susie Carlon?
Lucille Bluth’s sister.
Oh, down the hall to the left.
Ice hears noises from a nearby closet. He opens the door and a bound and gagged Gary stumbles out.
Well, that was a freebie.
INT. – BARRY’S OFFICE
Everyone is still sitting down, Barry is about ready to start Reading the will when Ice bursts through the door.
Susie Carlon, you’re under arrest.
He handcuffs her and starts to drag her away.
The family begins to follow ICE and Susie out of Barry’s office.
Don’t worry I know a good lawyer who can get you off.
You mean yourself, Barry?
I was going to say Wayne, but I guess I could do it.
INT. – BLUTH MODEL HOME
Michael ENTERS through the front door, looking for Tobias.
Meanwhile Michael had returned to the Model Home to look for Tobias.
He looks around the Model Home until he comes upon the secret room. He enters to see Tobias, with his back turned to him looking a stack of magazines.
There is the sound of magazine pages ruffling and the sound of zipper zipping as Tobias turns around quickly, looking guilty.
Oh hey, Michael, I was just body building.
Michael and Tobias stare at each other in silence.Michael’s phone rings.
(answering his phone.)
Hello? What? Ok I’ll be right there.
Apparently my aunt has been arrested I have to go down to the police station.
Michael starts to leave.
(turning around to notice Tobias isn’t coming)
Are you coming with me?
I think I’ll stay here and do some more body building.
I guess you’re right.
Michael and Tobias exit.
To Be Continued…