Movie – The Brand New Blog of an Arrested Development Fan

The crowd gathered for Gob and Raulo’s showdown has now dispersed and paramedics are lifting Gob, on a stretcher, into an ambulance. Michael and Steve are accompanying Gob. In the background, a paramedic is helping Buster.

INT. AMBULANCE- CONTINUOUS

GOB

Michael?

MICHAEL

Yes, Gob. I’m here.

GOB

Thanks for being there.

MICHAEL

Yeah, no problem.

GOB

Steve?

STEVE

Yes, dad.

GOB

I love you.

STEVE

I love you too.

Steve and Gob hug.

INT. HOSPITAL-WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The family(including a recovered Buster), plus Sally and Mary are waiting in the waiting room for Michael. Michael and Steve enter.

BUSTER

Hey brother.

Buster comes up to give Michael and back rub.

MICHAEL

(squirming away from Buster)

Gob should be… Buster please.

BUSTER

Oh, sorry.

Buster releases Michael.

MICHAEL

As I was saying, it looks like Gob’s going to be ok, but they’re going to have to reattach his fingers.

BUSTER

Oh thank god.

LINDSAY

(pointing at Mary and Sally)

Michael, what are these 2 doing here?

SALLY

Me and Michael are dating.

GEORGE SENIOR

What about her?

MARY

I’m your granddaughter Mary.

GEORGE SENIOR

Really?

MARY

Yeah, I’m Gob’s daughter.

LINDSAY

Welcome to the family.

The family surrounds Mary chatting her up.

BUSTER

(rubbing her shoulders)

Hey newfound niece.

While the rest of the family is visiting with Mary, George Michael stands back from them. Maeby comes up to him.

MAEBY

Looks like there’s another cousin you can’t kiss.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Yeah, I know. Maybe I’ll try to get Ann back.

MAEBY

Her?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Yeah you’re right. I should find a new girlfriend.

MAEBY

Just make sure she’s not your cousin.

Dr. Wordsmith enters.

MICHAEL

How’s he doing Doc?

DR. WORDSMITH

It looks like he’s going to be all right.

STEVE

Yeah!

MICHAEL

Just to be clear, “looks like he’s going to be alright”

DR.WORDSMITH

It looks like he’s going to be alright, but he’s going to need surgery.

MICHAEL

Well, I guess there’s nothing else to be done here. What do you guys say we go get something to eat.

The family starts to leave the hospital. As they do so a police officer enters carrying a briefcase.

GEORGE SENIOR

I think there’s a Chiles nearby. It’s shrimp fest

The family leaves.

EXT. HOSPITAL-ENTRANCE – NIGHT

The family exits the hospital as Ann approaches.

ANN

George Michael?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Ann? What are you doing here?

ANN

I heard about your uncle. I came by to see if he was ok.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Yeah, He’s ok. We were just going to get something to eat.

ANN

(as she starts to leave)

Well, see you around George Michael.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Ann wait.

(pausing as Ann turns around)

Do you maybe want to come?

ANN

Is it ok with your family?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Yeah, I don’t see why not. They love you

ANN

Ok.

GEORGE MICHAEL

(to Michael)

Can Ann come with us?

MICHAEL

Who?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Ann Veal, my ex-girlfriend

MICHAEL

Her? I guess so.

George Michael and Ann follow the family who is headed down the street. Behind them, Maggie Lizer comes, pushing a baby stroller.

MAGGIE

Michael, wait!

The family stops.

MICHAEL

Maggie?

MAGGIE

I’m so glad I found you. I have something to confess.

MICHAEL

What?

MAGGIE

I lied to you about Jeb. He’s not my nephew; he’s really your daughter Michelle.

MICHAEL

What? Why would you lie to me about that?

MAGGIE

I don’t know Michael, but I really want you to be in your daughter’s life and maybe my life.

MICHAEL

Look, if Michelle is my child I want to be there for her and I will be. As for you and me I just don’t think it will work out. I’m with Sally now and I can’t be with someone who lies all the time.

MAGGIE

I understand.

Maggie takes a sleeping Michelle out of the baby stroller and hand her and a diaper bag to Michael.

MAGGIE (CONT’D)

Why don’t you take Michelle for a few days? I’m sure you two could use some quality time. I’ll pick her up in a few days.

MICHAEL

(slightly confused)

Ok.

Maggie leaves. Michael stands there, somewhat stunned.

GEORGE SENIOR

Come on Michael, I’m hungry.

MICHAEL

Ok. I’m coming.

The family continues on down the street.

To Be Continued…

My Arrested Development Screenplay Part 16

And now the continuing story of my attempt to write an Arrested Development movie.

Previous Parts

EXT. CONJUGAL TRAILER — DAY- ESTABLISHING

We get an establishing shot of the trailer parked in the jail yard.

INT. CONJUGAL TRAILER – DAY

George Senior enters the trailer, starting to pull his pants off. Susie is lying on the coach.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

While Michael was doing a favor for Tobias, George Senior was busy doing his favor for Michael.

SUSIE

I’m not going to have sex with you.

GEORGE SENIOR

(pulling up his pants)

Oh, but I thought you wanted some of Big Bear.

SUSIE

You call that tiny thing, Big Bear.

GEORGE SENIOR

Ouch.

SUSIE

I brought you here to tell you that Larry is your son.

GEORGE SENIOR

Who, that Nellie?

SUSIE

Yes, that Nellie.

GEORGE MICHAEL

How?

SUSIE

Remember that one night we slept together.

GEORGE SENIOR

I thought you were dating some other guy named Guy at the time.

SUSIE

I made that up.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

George Senior was stunned.

CLOSE UP: GEORGE SENIOR’S SHOCKED FACE.

EXT. BANANA STAND

Michael, Tobias, George Michael, and the cop are still destroying the banana stand, looking for the money hidden inside.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Meanwhile at the Banana Stand…

The guys continue to work. Mary walks by, and stops, recognizing George Michael.

MARY

George Michael?

GEORGE MICHAEL

(surprised, dropping his sledgehammer)

Mary?

MARY

What are you doing?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Just doing some construction work.

George Michael and Mary start talking as Michael, Tobias, and the cop continue to work. Eventually, Michael stops to interrupt them

MICHAEL

Hey George Michael, why don’t you and your girlfriend go get some lunch, on me

He hands George Michael some money.

GEORGE MICHAEL

She’s not my girlfriend.

MICHAEL

Whatever. Here you go; my treat.

Michael digs into his pocket and takes out a wad of cash which he hands to George Michael.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Are you sure?

MICHAEL

Yes. Go on have a little fun.

GEORGE MICHAEL

(to Mary)

You want to?

MARY

Sure.

George Michael and Mary walk off while Michael, Tobias and the cop continue to work. They finally find the briefcase and Tobias pulls it out of the Banana Stand.

TOBIAS

Eureka! We’ve found it.

Tobias tries to open the briefcase, but realizes it he can’t open it because it has a combination lock.

TOBIAS (CONT’D)

Crap, it has a combination lock. I guess we’ll have to get your dad to open it.

COP

(drawing his gun)

Oh, you’re not taking it anywhere.

MICHAEL

What?

COP

What did you expect? Did you think I was just going to settle for a share of the cash?

MICHAEL

That was kind of the idea.

COP

Well I don’t think it’s going to work out that way.

The cop gestures for Tobias to hand him the case.

COP (CONT’D)

Just hand me the case and no one gets hurt.

Tobias hands the cop the case. The cop takes it and runs off.

TOBIAS

That cop screwed us real deep didn’t he?

MICHAEL

Yes

As Tobias and Michael are talking Lindsay and Carl are walking towards them

LINDSAY

Michael? Tobias?

TOBIAS

Lindsay? What are you doing here?

LINDSAY

I was just out for a stroll with Carl.

CARL

Give me some sugar.

Lindsay and Carl kiss.

TOBIAS

Oh, that’s it.

Tobias tackles Carl and starts to punch him.

TOBIAS (CONT’D)

First, you’re a lousy acting coach then you steal my wife.

Michael steps in to break up the fight.

MICHAEL

That’s enough.

LINDSAY

I didn’t know you felt that way Tobias.

TOBIAS

Of course I do Lindsay.

LINDSAY

I don’t know Tobias. We’ve tried to make our marriage work before.

TOBIAS

Come on Lindsay; let’s give it one more try.

LINDSAY

Ok, what the hell. Let’s give it one more try.

TOBIAS

Really?

LINDSAY

Yes, Tobias let’s do it.

TOBIAS

Ok, Lindsay. I promise I won’t let you down.

CARL

What about me?

LINDSAY

We’re through Carl.

CARL

Ok, but I was going to make you dinner tonight. I guess I will have to get a stew on by myself.

Carl walks away.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Seeing Tobias fight for Lindsay made Michael think of something he needed to do.

MICHAEL

I just remembered I have to go do something.

TOBIAS

What about the money?

MICHAEL

We’ll deal with it later.

TOBIAS

Why not now?

MICHAEL

I have something I need to do. I’ll meet you at Gob’s magic duel.

LINDSAY

Magic Duel?

MICHAEL

Tobias will tell you about it.

Michael leaves.

To Be Continued

My Arrested Development Screenplay Part 14

And now the continuing story of my attempt to write an Arrested Development movie.

Previous Parts

EXT. PARK

Raulo enters onto the stage in the middle of the park. Gob boos and Steve quickly starts boo too. Raulo hears the booing and looks around to see where the boos are coming from.

GOB

(yelling)

What, did you get that coat from goodwill?

STEVE

(also yelling)

Yeah!

RAULO

(to the audience)

Who said that?

GOB

(as he shoves through the crowd)

I did.

RAULO

Who?

Gob continues to push through the crowd towards the stage

STEVE

Go Dad!

The crowd continues to push Gob towards the stage. We get a few “Heys” and “Watch Yourself” as Gob pushes past members of the audience

GIRL

Watch out, dude!

GOB

Why don’t you watch yourself!

(checking the girl out)

Hey you’re kind of hot.

GIRL

Eww! You’re kind of creepy

The Girl walks away.

GOB

(yelling, to the girl as she walks away)

Fine, I was going to have sex with you, but not now. You probably have Herpes anyway. Come On!

Gob continues to shove his way up to the stage. He reaches the front of the stage and walks up on the stage

RAULO

(mispronouncing Gob’s name)

I should have known.

(to the audience)

Ladies and Gentlemen: fellow “magician” Gob Bluth

Everybody in the crowd laughs/boos

RAULO

(mispronouncing Gob again)

Why don’t you show us a few trick Gob.

STEVE

Go Dad!

GOB

Illusions! And I will.

Gob reaches into his pants a pulls out a dead rabbit. He tosses it in the air only for it to plop on the ground. The audience laughs.

GOB (CONT’D)

(a little bit surprised, to himself.)

So that’s where Roger went. Where’s the dove?

RAULO

(to the audience)

Oh give it up; you’re nothing but a two-bit magician.

GOB

Oh really, well this two-bit magician challenges you to a magic duel.

RAULO

(chuckling)

You really think you can beat me!

GOB

What’s a matter? Are you chicken?

Gob starts his chicken imitation.

STEVE

You tell him dad!

RAULO

Stop it!

Gob stops his chicken dance.

RAULO (CONT’D)

I’m not a chicken. I accept your challenge.

Raulo turns to the crowd.

RAULO (CONT’D)

What do you say folks, tomorrow me and this second rate magician have a little competition to see who is the best?

The crowd cheers.

RAULO (CONT’D)

What do you say Gob?

GOB

I say I’m going to kick your ass tomorrow.

RAULO

Well, we’ll see

He attempts to shake Gob’s hand but Gob pulls away.

GOB

Psych!

Gob walks off the stage and Raulo continues with his magic show. Gob wades back through the crowd and him and Steve hop back on his Segway and ride off.

INT. MODEL HOME-ENTRANCE-MORNING

SUPER: THE NEXT DAY

Michael comes down the stairs to join the rest of the family just as Gob and Steve walk through the front door.

MICHAEL

Hey Gob.

GOB

Oh, hey Michael. Guess What?

MICHAEL

You decided to get a real job and stop with the magic tricks?

GOB

Illusions; and no. Raulo and I are having a magic duel in the park tonight.

Steve hands Michael a flyer from a stack of flyers he is holding in his hands.

STEVE

Tell your friends. Steve Holt!

MICHAEL

(to Gob)

Didn’t Raulo replace you in the Magicians’ Alliance?

GOB

Yes.

MICHAEL

Do you really think you can beat him?

GOB

I don’t think I can beat him… I know I can beat him.

STEVE

Yeah!

MICHAEL

Ok, but why don’t you and Steve have some breakfast first.

GOB

Ok. Come on Steve.

INT. MODEL HOME- KITCHEN

Michael, Gob and Steve enter the kitchen where the rest of the family(minus Lindsay) is having breakfast. Tobias approaches Michael.

TOBIAS

(whispering)

About that money from the Banana Stand you promised me…

MICHAEL

Don’t worry; we’ll go there after breakfast.

TOBIAS

Ok.Goody, I thought maybe you forgot about your promise.

MICHAEL

Oh no, of course not.

Michael, sits down to eat.

GEORGE SENIOR

So what’s the plan Mikey?

MICHAEL

I have an errand to run with Tobias…

GOB

More like a gayrand. Am I right?

Nobody responds to Gob.

LARRY

I want to go visit my mother.

MICHAEL

I don’t know Larry…

LARRY

But… My mom?

GEORGE SENIOR

I think the boy should visit his mother, Michael.

MICHAEL

Can I talk with you privately, Dad?

GEORGE SENIOR

Sure, Michael.

Michael and George Senior head into the Living Room

To Be Continued

My Arrested Development Screenplay Part 11

And now the continuing story of my attempt to write an Arrested Development movie.

Previous Parts

INT. – MOVIE STUDIO

Maeby enters the studio where filming has stopped, and runs into her boss MORT MEYERS. In the background, JASON BATEMAN wearing a polo shirt and khaki pants is at the buffet table frantically searching for a muffin.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

While Michael was trying to solve his aunt’s problems. Maeby was at the movie studio trying to solve a problem with the filming of her movie based on the life of her family entitled Development Arrested.

MORT

Maeby, we have a real problem.

MAEBY

What?

MORT

Dave Attel, the actor playing your dad has locked himself in his trailer and he’s demanding a pay raise.

JASON BATEMAN

(yelling, in the background)

Who the *beep* ate the last muffin.

Jason Bateman exits.

MAEBY

Who is this guy and what is his problem?

MORT

Apparently somebody ate the last muffin.

MAEBY

Ok that’s his problem, now who is he.

MORT

Oh yes, that’s Jason Bateman, he’s the wonderful actor we hired to play your uncle. What are we going to do about Dave Attel?

MAEBY

I say fire his ass, my dad’s looking for a job; we can get him to play himself.

MORT

Ok. We still need someone to play the bounty hunter ICE, we tried to get Samuel L. Jackson but that was kind of wishful thinking.

MAEBY

I don’t know, find someone, I have to talk to Ron.

MORT

I’ll see what I can do here.

MAEBY

(mumbling)

This project is going straight to hell.

INT. – RON HOWARD’S OFFICE

Maeby is sitting in front of Ron’s desk. Ron is behind his desk looking through papers. Also in the office is MITCH HURWITZ.

RON

Maeby, this is Mitch Hurwitz, the writer we hired to rewrite the script.

MAEBY

(to Mitch)

Nice to meet you.

(to Ron)

What’s wrong with the script?

RON

Oh nothing, we just thought it could use some revising. How’s the rest of the project coming along?

MAEBY

Not very well; we haven’t even started filming yet, Dave Attel is threatening to quit, and we have no Ice and no Narrator. We tried to get Morgan Freeman, but he was busy with March of the Penguins 2.

RON

Don’t worry I’ll narrate, and I don’t even need to be credited.

MAEBY

Great, but what who’s going to play Ice and what about Dave Attel?

RON

I say we fire Dave Attel and we’ll cast Ice later.

MAEBY

Ok, but I still think we should have made a TV series.

RON

I told you Maeby, I pitched it to a few networks, but they said it would be a hard so to advertise and they think a lot of viewers wouldn’t be able to relate to the characters.

MAEBY

Do you think moviegoers will buy the characters and storyline?

RON

Maybe. I say we get the movie exposure all over the Internet with ads, trailers, and other stuff. Maybe we go around on the street giving people hats that say Ron Howard’s D.A.

MAEBY

Don’t you think that maybe some people might think it’s a movie about a district attorney?

RON

I hadn’t thought of that, maybe. We’ll make it work because if it doesn’t you’re fired…

INT. – POLICE STATION LOBBY

Michael enters to find his family waiting for him.

NARRATOR(VO)

While Maeby was dealing with Ron Howard,

Michael was returning to deal with his family.

LARRY

What did my mother say?

MICHAEL

Nothing important

Barry enters from the break room

MICHAEL

So, what are you going to do about my Aunt?

BARRY

Was I was supposed to do something about that; I just went to the snack room for a hot ding dong.

MICHAEL

So, where’s the ding dong?

BARRY

Oh yeah, that burnt up because I left the tin foil on.

MICHAEL

Oh, that is just great.

BARRY

What? Did you want a ding dong? There is more.

MICHAEL

No, Barry, I’m just angry that instead of trying to help my aunt, you’re off fiddling with ding dongs.

GOB

What? When did you find out Barry’s Gay?

MICHAEL

No, I was talking about the snack … Barry’s gay?

BARRY

Yes.

Barry Winks.

MICHAEL

Well, I guess that explains a few things. You know what Barry, you’re fired.

BARRY

What? You can’t do that.

MICHAEL

Yes I can, you’re fired.

BARRY

But you’re my only clients.

MICHAEL

Not our problem. I’m sorry, but we no longer need you.

BARRY

Ok…

A dejected Barry exits as Charlie Brown Music plays.

GEORGE SENIOR

What did you do that for Michael? Barry’s a good family friend and a good lawyer.

MICHAEL

He’s an idiot.

LINDSAY

Yeah, dad, he’s an idiot.

TOBIAS

I mean he’s a gay. He probably just wants to get with Michael. I know I do.

Everyone looks at Tobias.

TOBIAS (CONT’D)

(nervous)

I mean I would if I was gay.

Everyone goes back to their normal conversations

LINDSAY

I say we call Bob Loblaw and get him to take the case.

GEORGE SENIOR

I agree

MICHAEL

But just a moment ago you were saying that I shouldn’t have fired Barry.

GEORGE SENIOR

Well, I was wrong he’s an idiot.

MICHEAL

I’ll go call Bob.

Michael exits to make a phone call.

To Be Continued…

My Arrested Development Screenplay Part 8

And now the continuing story of my attempt to write an arrested development movie.

Previous Parts

INT. – PENTHOUSE-LIVING ROOM

George Michael is sitting on the coach by himself. MAEBY FUNKE, his cousin comes over and sits by him.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Elsewhere George Michael was reconnecting with his cousin Maeby.

MAEBY

Hey George Michael.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Oh, hey Maeby.

CLOSE UP: MAEBY

FREEZE FRAME ON MAEBY

NARRATOR (V.O.)

This is George Michael’s cousin, Maeby.

SUPER: MAE “MAEBY” FUNKE: MOVIE EXECUTIVE

GEORGE MICHAEL

I didn’t see you last night.

MAEBY

Yeah, I was busy with other things.

NARRATOR(VO)

She was actually working as an executive at Tantamount Studios.

Cut to:

INT. OFFICE-DAY

Maeby is sitting in her office reading over a stack of scripts. She’s currently reading “Dodgeball 2: Dodge Harder or Dodgeball 2: Revenge of the Dodge”

MAEBY

Nope

Maeby puts down the script and stamps a giant “No” on it

Cut back to:

INT. PENTHOUSE-CONTINUOUS

MARY: a cute 19 yr. old blond enters from the living room and sits down by George Michael who appears uncomfortable. Maeby looks annoyed.

MARY

Hi.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Hi.

MARY

I’m Mary

GEORGE MICHAEL

I’m George Michael and this is my cousin Maeby.

MARY

(to Maeby)

Nice to meet you.

MAEBY

Yeah, whatever.

George Michael and Mary smile at each other, ignoring Maeby.

MAEBY

I’m going to get some punch. Do you want some

George Michael?

GEORGE MICHAEL

No thanks.

An irritated Maeby walks off

Cut to:

INT. PENTHOUSE-CONTINUOUS

Maeby continues to the punch bowl, past Michael.

MICHAEL

Hey Maeby

MAEBY

Oh hey Uncle Michael.

MICHAEL

Have you seen George Michael?

MAEBY

He was talking to some girl over there.

Maeby points in the direction she just came from.

MICHAEL

Who?

MAEBY

I don’t know, Mary Somebody.

MICHAEL

Where?

MAEBY

(pointing again)

Over there

They look towards where George Michael was earlier, but he and Mary are both gone.

MAEBY

They must have left

MICHAEL

Well, we have to go find him.

MAEBY

I totally agree; we have to go find him.

Michael and Maeby exit.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BARRY’S OFFICE

BARRY is sitting at his desk with the will in hand. The family is sitting in chairs facing him.

SUPER: LATER

NARRATOR (V.O.)

While Michael and Maeby went off in search of George Michael the rest of the family had gathered to hear the will read by the newly-rehired family attorney Barry Zuckercorn.

GEORGE SENIOR

(whispering to Gob)

Where’s Michael?

GOB

I don’t know, where’s Maeby and George Michael?

GOB (CONT’D)

(to Lindsay)

Where’s Maeby?

LINDSAY

Who?

CARL

Your daughter.

LINDSAY

Oh her, I don’t know.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

At that very moment Lindsay’s daughter Maeby was with her uncle Michael looking for her cousin George Michael.

CUT TO:

EXT. BANANA STAND-DAY

Mary and George Michael are sitting at a table in front of the condemned banana stand talking. Michael and Maeby ENTER.

MICHAEL

George Michael?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Dad? what are you doing here?

MICHAEL

(pointing to Mary)

Who’s this?

GEORGE MICHAEL

Oh, this is Mary.’

Mary waves at Michael

MICHAEL

Yeah, nice to meet. George Michael, we’ve been looking all over for you. You shouldn’t have run off like that.

GEORGE MICHAEL

Sorry. I just needed some fresh air.

MICHAEL

We have to go, they’re about to read your Gangi’s will.

A disappointed George Michael stands up

MARY

See you later George Michael.

‘Michael, George Michael and Maeby start to leave.

Michael’s phone rings.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)

Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

BARRY’S OFFICE-DAY

GEORGE SENIOR

(on the phone.)

Michael, where are you? They’re reading the will.

MICHAEL

I was looking for… Tobias. I thought he should be there for the reading of the will.

GEORGE SENIOR

Are Maeby and George Michael with you?

MICHAEL

Yes.

GEORGE SENIOR

Well get down to Barry’s office soon.

MICHAEL

Ok, I’ll be there.

MICHAEL HANGS UP

END INTERCUT

EXT. BANANA STAND — DAY- CONTINOUS

MICHAEL

(to George Michael and Maeby)

Why don’t you 2 go ahead and head over to Barry’s office I have to go get Tobias.

To Be Continued…

As always thanks for reading and any and all comments are welcome and appreciated. Stay Tuned for Part 9