Chapter 18: The December Baby
On December 13, 1790, nine months, give or take, after Maria’s secret meeting with San she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Giorgio Noel III. It was a decidedly normal birth aside from the fact he was delivered in a makeshift igloo hospital by the Elf doctor Jangle
Mr. and Mrs. Noel were overjoyed to welcome the new addition to their family as they both saw him as the saving grace for their marriage 
Equally excited about the birth was Kris Kringle, who rightly suspected the baby might be his based on the fact he had been sleeping with Maria around the time of the baby’s conception which happened to coincide with a major recall of unicorn skin condoms
Rumors about the boy’s paternity were quick to make it around the North Pole, most likely begun by San, who was still possibly upset Maria had turned him down at the After Christmas Wrap Party almost a hundred years prior.
Giorgio Noel II, the boy’s namesake, was no fool and knew of the gossip circulating, but simply chose to ignore it. He did this not because of a fear of finding out the baby wasn’t his or because of his love of Maria, but simply because he didn’t particularly want the hassle of a divorce.Giorgio eventually decided he didn’t give one flying fuckabout whether or not the baby was his and so became increasingly distant towards his son.
Maria, who had sworn to never end up like her Aunt, was slowly becoming her. The guilt over her affair with Kris, which she continued anyway, forced her to the bottleand she became an almost unbearable drunk.
His mother’s drunkenness, his dad’s distance, and the rumors about his parentage had a profound effect on Third, who began acting out at Elven school. First, he told the young elves there was no such thing as Santa Claus, it was just a way of oppressing them. Then he sprayed graffiti all over the school, and at the age of 13 he brought Nymph strippers to school and was promptly expelled. His worse act of defiance, however, was probably changing his name to Harry Christmas and starting a gang of elves called Santa’s Little Unhelpers, who were about as tough as you would think a gang of elves would be.
The newly-dubbed Harry soon became too much for his parents and the members of Santa Claus, INC and so he found himself in front an emergency meeting of the Santa Claus council.
Claus cleared his throat, bringing the meeting to order. “Third…” He began.
“My name is Harry,” Harry said defiantly.
Everyone in the room let out an exasperated sigh, except for Maria who let out a sobbing gasp.
“Ok, Harry…” Claus began again reluctantly, “Because of your disruptive behavior and your general Grinch-like attitude the Santa council has decided to take drastic measures. After a vote, we have decided you must leave this castle.”
Harry said nothing just stormed off, his footsteps accompanied by Maria’s sobbing.
With nowhere to go Harry wandered the North Pole, looking for a place to stay. He tried the members of his gang, but after his exile, they all grew chicken and decided to drop out of the gang. He tried Winter’s ice cave but found Winter was subletting it to a family of Inuits. He even tried the reindeer village, but all they did was call him names and kick him off their property.
After exhausting all other options Harry wandered into the Evergreen Forest, which had shrunken considerably since Kris Kringle’s visit.
Kris had told him the tale of his time in the woods and the wonderful Master Woodsman who had helped him out, but no matter how hard he looked he could not find the Master Woodsman anywhere
As he wandered the forest, growing cold and lonely, Harry heard soft footsteps behind him and quickly ducked behind a tree. He had heard stories of the Evergreen Bandits, a group of thieves dressed in red and green who robbed unwary trespassers in the Forest and were led by the great-grandson of Robin Hood, Tim Hood.
The footsteps grew closer, cracking the snow beneath them. Harry peeked out from the tree for a second and nearly fainted as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. walked by, carrying an armload of firewood,
She was dressed in all dark green, with a green cloakhanging over her. She had fiery red hair, large breasts, a great spankable ass that was complimented by form-fitting green tights, and dazzling green eyes. Her face lit up with a radiant smile and her alabaster skin glowed in the moonlight as she marched gracefully through the woods.
Harry stared longingly at the woman as she walked past him and his hiding place and once she was far enough away not to notice him he began stealthily following her, using the trees as cover.
The woman eventually came to a clearing where a small green and white cottage rested majestically between to large Evergreen trees. With a flourish of the woman’s hand, the door opened and she walked in. Harry nervously watched her, shivering with cold and nervousness as he tentatively approached.
He stood, hunched in the window looking in upon her, lighting a fire in her fireplace and removing her cloak, and boots. She sat on a wooden chair and watched the fire.
Harry didn’t know how long we stood in the window watching her, but it seemed like forever
When he could bare the cold and curiosity no more Harry, who was almost overcome with frostbite, approached the door and rapped on it with what little strength he could muster.
As Harry was about the collapse in the doorway the door was opened and the woman stood in the threshold, looking even more beautiful with the fire backlighting her.
“Hello?” The woman said in a voice that was like honey entering Harry’s ears
“Hello, ma’am. My name is Gi… Harry,” Harry stammered, barely able to stand. “And I was wondering if I may sit by your fire for just a brief moment as I am cold and have been wondering the woods all night looking for the Master Woodsman.”
The woman smiled at this, with a slight mischievousness which Harry failed to pick up on.
“Certainly. I am Evelyn and you may stay for as long as you would like.” She beamed brightly at Harry, who almost melted despite the extreme cold. She grabbed him by the arm and led him gingerly inside, sitting him in the chair by the fire.
“So what brings you to the Evergreen Forest?” Evelyn asked.
Harry opened his mouth to answer and before he could stop himself, began to tell Evelyn his life story. Evelyn listened with interested, perking up slightly at the mention of Kris Kringle, but Harry was too entranced by her beauty to notice.
Hours past as Harry relayed his story to an attentive Evelyn and the forest began to grow bright with daylight. A ray of sunlight hit Harry’s face, causing him to pause for a second. He got up, feeling particularly warm
“Thanks for your hospitality, but I think I should be going,” He said politely, smiling weakly.
“You don’t have to leave so soon.” Evelyn crooned.
“I think I should,” Harry replied, moving further towards the door, but Evelyn blocked his way.
“Surely you could stay for breakfast?” Evelyn smiled.
Harry words were cut off by Evelyn’s lips enfolding his.
“I guess I could stay,” Harry managed to say when Evelyn allowed him to get some air, but just as quickly they were kissing again.
The next month past in a blur of sex, fairy dust, and elven whiskey for Harry and Evelyn as the days bled into each other.
It was all going well, until one morning when Harry woke up just slightly before Evelyn. He cracked open his eyes and turned over to stare at the radiant creature he had so lovingly ravished three times the night before.
What he saw nearly made his heart stop. Lying in bed next to him was a hideous creature with green pockmarked skin, a crooked hooked nose, horrible pimples all over her face, straw-like brown hair, and morning breath worse than a garbage-eating dragon who ate nothing but year-old used diapers.
Harry bolted out of bed, scrambling away from the horrible creature.
“Who are you?” he demanded, shakily.
The creature opened her bloodshot, red eyes and said, in a raspy putrid voice, “It’s me. Evelyn.”
“You’re not Evelyn.” Harry squeaked out in growing terror
The creature gave Harry a puzzled look before reaching over to her nightstand and picking up the small compact mirror on top of it. She held the mirror up and looked at her own reflection. She almost leaped in fright
“Shit, my glamour spell must have worn off. You want to have a little morning sex?” She asked as she smiled with rotten and decaying teeth. She snapped her fingers and adopted the guise of a completely naked Evelyn once again. She salaciously approached Harry, grabbing him by the crotch.
Harry felt himself stiffen slightly, but pow picturing sex with the odious creature before him Harry retched, vomiting all over her bed.
“I guess not.” Evelyn cackled slightly.
“If you’ll excuse me, I think I forgot to feed the reindeer,” Harry said, trying to keep down the vomit roiling through his stomach.
Before The Evergreen Witchcould reply Harry had dashed out the door and was sprinting as fast as he legs would take him to Claus’ castle.
Harry burst through the door of the castle, startling Matilda as he flew up the stairs towards Claus’ office.
Claus, who had been enjoying his private reflection period, nearly fell out of his chair as Harry swept into the room, grabbing Claus pleadingly and looking at him with awestruck eyes.
“Please let me come back,” Harry begged, getting down on his knees and practically tearing off Claus’ sleeve with his vice grip.
Claus looked at Harry with surprise in confusion. “Have you learned your lesson?”
“Yes, god yes,” Harry cried out.
“Will you be good for goodness sake?”
“Yes,” Harry cried.
Claus thought for a second, mostly to torment the obviously traumatized Harry.
“Ok,” Claus relented.
“Thank you,” Harry cried hugging Claus tightly and letting a few manly tears escape his eye.
“You’re welcome,” Claus replied, gently patting Harry on the shoulder, confident that Harry had learned his lesson and wouldn’t be causing any more trouble.
 Jangle had left the Elf Army and enrolled in Elf Medical School which is much like your own but takes 50 more years.
 Mr. Noel even had divorce papers drawn up just before he found out about the baby, but promptly tossed them in the fireplace as soon as he heard the news.
 Kris constantly hinted at this fact by calling the child “son” and replying to anyone who asked him (mostly nosy elves he ran into at the market) if he had any children by saying, “None that I know of” and winking not-so-subtly.
 His lawyer had died a few days after the child’s birth and he didn’t want to hire a new one. Also, he didn’t want to part with half of the literal mountain of gold he had accumulated which he kept hidden in an underground cave and would occasionally climb it just for fun and then toboggan down it.
 Something he would give to one of Pixy Triplets at the After-Christmas Wrap Party the year after Third’s birth.
 Mostly of Elven Whiskey, which is particularly potent. In fact, only the magic in her veins prevented Maria from dying every time she drank it.
 It became so bad that she even crashed her sleigh on Christmas Eve after getting her reindeer drunk as well and all the other Santas had to stage an intervention and force her into rehab.
 Freshly back from rehab.
 A term coined after his grandfather Ulrich von Grinch.
 Only his own mother and Kris Kringle had voted for him to stay
 In fact the Master Woodsman had been put in a nursing home by his kids and the sleighs were now built and repaired by a machine.
 Which was not that hard as he hadn’t seen a whole lot of women aside from the Nymph strippers, who were quite honestly second rate as far as Nymph strippers are concerned.
 Much like Little Red Riding Hood’s except you know green instead of red. Actually, it was just the same cloak turned green.
 A word that sprang to Harry’s mind just that second.
 It was really just five minutes.
 In a good, non-sticky way.
 The entire 17 years worth.
 As you should have guessed she was by now.